People who know me now would probably have a hard time imagining me being SHY and RESERVED but believe me, I was shy. when i was younger, i hated it when they called me NICE which in transalation means “youre a doormat dear” perhaps it had had something to do with the fact that I was new in class (as far i as could remember that in grade 2 sec 1). Suddenly a sea of new faces, new faces surrounded me and I had learned to get along with everyone. It started innocently enough, I gave way to others or let them borrow my things and BULLIEd me. While I was trying to blending with others a sudden change of sitting arrangement happened. I ignored then the little voice that rebelled against the docile and passive person that I was turning into gradually I learned that my sharing nature had a number of drawbacks. I found myself disliking confrontations, I become pacifist, It was just to easy to get along with the wind and not against it, and start liking everyone. I was afraid of rejections.

Unlike boys, girls are subtler when it comes with letting you know that they don’t like you. And this very subtley is even more scathing than outright expression of dislike. I feared getting that loathsome glare, the ostracism of disike, and deliberate loud remarks behind my back. I saw it done to others and i didnt ever want to be on the receiving end of such treatment. So I let things happen even if I didnt agree with them, kept quiet even when I knew I should’ve spoken up. I adjusted as I could.

I was tired of not speaking up my mind. And I knew I had to adjust. I was tired od it all. I was tired of being the NICE GIRL. I was tired of lettign people have their way while I had to adjust. And i knew I had to work through the shyness I’vee been keeping all those years as trite as it sound, I resolved that college would be different. I will fight.

On my college days i followed my so called-bestfriend I took nursing even if taking up LAW was my first choice. Again I gave way. I exerted concious effort to assert myself more. Whenever I felt like I was about to lose my nerve. I’d ask myself “what’s the worst thing that could happen?” I knew I had something to offer and I wasn’t about to let a snide remark,a patronizing look, or my fear of being ridiculed keep me from reaching my goals.

Now. I become too much of I am before. I become frank that sometimes I dont notice that I’m hurting other peoples feelings. I guess it’s too bad for me. I want to change the way I am now. I want to be frank yet reserved chic. xoxo ^_^